


By Halves

by helvonasche



Category: The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Angst, F/M, No Smut, Schizophrenia, Super Soldier Serum
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-31
Updated: 2017-01-31
Packaged: 2018-09-21 02:40:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,868
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9528266
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/helvonasche/pseuds/helvonasche
Summary: I might write more, I might not. This is an idea I've had for a while and it happened to work for a Mental Health Awareness Challenge. If there's going to be more, it will be a long while before anything fun happens, this is just a concept fic to see if it works.





	

Following a few steps behind as Frigga turned to speak, Haruka sped up to walk next to the Queen. Although she was wildly out of her depths, she had an air of professionalism that had been easy to maintain after so many years of practice. Falling in step next to Frigga, Haruka listened attentively as the Queen updated her on Loki’s progress and current state.

“…You will only have two hours with him,” Frigga said as they approached the end of the long corridor. She stopped and turned to Haruka, her voice low and full of concern as she asked, “Do you think you can help him?”

Staring into the Queen’s eyes, Haruka’s training kicked in and she responded automatically, but with compassion, “You can never tell with these things, but I will do my best.”

Before Frigga could express her gratitude, Haruka’s escorts approached. Bowing low, Fandral said jovially, “This way, Lady Haruka.”

Uncertain for a moment, Haruka nodded and followed Fandral and a guard, turning back for a last look at the Queen before heading down the stairs to the dungeons. She had no idea how Thor had convinced Odin to allow her to visit, but it had worked. He still forbade Frigga from visiting Loki, but they had managed to allow her two hours with him. Ahead was a lone chair, and Haruka hoped that Loki would be open to this.

Ignoring the shouts and jeers from the other prisoners, Haruka stopped in front of the cell next to the chair and felt disappointment flood her mind. He was facing away, austere as always. She knew they would have told him, meaning this was his way of expressing his distaste. Part of her thought that his behavior was directed at the guards or Fandral, but she was a pessimist.

“Shall I escort you inside?” Fandral asked, his eyes glancing to Loki’s back warily.

Assuming that they had all been told what she was capable of, Haruka said, “That won’t be necessary.”

Barely having to concentrate after so many years, she felt the familiar shiver run through her followed by the pleasant emptiness in her mind. She only sent one, but even that was a relief on days like this. The Phantom Haruka, an exact replica of the original, stood in front of the real Haruka for a moment before the Phantom nodded and walked toward Loki’s cell.

The hum of the barrier was noticeable, but the Phantom seemed to flicker when she got close before reappearing within his cell. Loki turned and his eyes drifted between the Phantom and Haruka before he glared at Fandral and the guard. Once they took their leave, Loki walked past the Phantom and asked Haruka, “Does the Soldier know you’re here?”

Meeting his gaze from outside the cell, Haruka smiled up at him as she took her seat, while the Phantom replied from behind him, “Not really his business.”

Still addressing Haruka, Loki started, “As one of the _Avengers_ -”

“I am not an Avenger,” both said in unison.

Loki faced the Phantom, and asked in a venomous tone, “Why are you here then?”

“You remember our conversation after you were captured, yes?” the Phantom asked. Loki nodded as he sat in a chair so he could easily see Haruka and her Phantom. “Thor thought he saw improvement, and after persuading Odin he asked me if I’d help you,” the Phantom explained as she took a seat opposite Loki.

Narrowing his eyes, Loki asked, “How could you possibly help?”

“I’m a psychiatrist, Loki,” she said, and when he turned to meet her eyes, the Phantom continued, “but more importantly, I think we could be friends, if you’d like.”

* * *

 

After a brief explanation of psychiatry and mental illnesses, the Phantom Haruka could tell that Loki was disinterested; bored even. Despite this, he said, “Tell me about yourself. You already know so much about me from my _brother_ , it only seems fair.”

“If that’s how you’d like to spend your time,” the Phantom quipped. Loki nodded and adjusted in his chair as she began, “I was born in 1925-”

“Wait, you’re 87?” Loki interrupted.

Sighing, the Phantom replied, “Yes.”

Loki eyed the Phantom Haruka and the real Haruka, trying to reconcile what she had said with what was in front of him. Taking in the rest of her story, Loki raised an eyebrow as he waited for her to continue.

“At the age of six, my mother left me at an orphanage-”

“You don’t seem like an obnoxious child,” Loki muttered under his breath, receiving another glare from the Phantom, “Sorry.”

Shaking her head, she started again, “When she died, I got a package; her old diaries. The first few were normal but the rest were written to me, like we were having a conversation. She came from a traditional Japanese family that had immigrated to California. My mother was secretly seeing a man and ended up getting pregnant. She ended things with him when she found out, then I was born, and it was clear that I wasn’t Japanese.

“At the time she was glad she had lied, her family would have disowned her, but it eventually came to that. By the time I was six, her mother had given her the choice to give me up or to leave with me.”

Leaning forward in his chair, Loki said, “I still don’t understand, did your grandmother insist because she thought your mother was raped?”

“No,” the Phantom said, “It’s because I’m a halfer.”

“Halfer?”

“Half-Japanese, half-Caucasian,” she explained. Waving her hand dismissively, “Not all people are like this, but her family was very inclusive. Because of how they thought I was conceived, they thought it was for the best. The true tragedy is that my mother loved my father and she never saw him again.”

Loki studied her face, no longer bothering to compare the Phantom to the real Haruka. Her bright green eyes, fair skin, wavy dark hair that was noticeably coarser than his own, her full lips, and he couldn’t say he understood the problem with being a ‘halfer’. Despite her misfortune at being born a Midgardian, she was beautiful.

Crossing her legs, the Phantom continued, “By the age of eighteen, I had finished all of the available coursework and started writing papers on biomedical engineering that caught the attention of Howard Stark.”

“The Iron Man?” Loki asked, recognizing the last name.

Smiling and shaking her head, “No, his father. He put me through medical school, which wasn’t easy at the time-”

“Why wasn’t it easy?”

Her eyes searched the room, she hadn’t expected him to ask so many questions, “I was too young, the wrong gender, and Japanese as far as my classmates were concerned. Stark had recruited me to work on project Rebirth, but I left after a disagreement…” the Phantom trailed off and Loki could see the pain in her eyes as she tried to push the memories away.

Clearing her throat, the Phantom said, “After that, I received my mother’s diaries, my father’s name-”

“Who was he?” Loki asked excitedly.

“I’m getting to it.”

Falling against the back of the chair, Loki said, “You are a mistress of suspense.”

Chuckling, she continued, “I didn’t try to find my father then, I focused all my time and energy on recreating the serum.”

“Did you do it?” Loki asked as he leaned forward again.

Dropping her shoulders in defeat and glaring at him, “What do you think?”

Loki rolled his eyes at her sarcastic response, and the Phantom continued, “I succeeded, and in my grief-”

“Grief?”

Realizing her mistake, the Phantom tried to cover, “Another story for another day, will you let me finish?”

He nodded and watched her carefully as she spoke, “The serum, like with Steve, changed me, but it doesn’t just enhance the physicality of the subject. It amplifies everything. In 1956-”

Standing as he asked, “1956?”

“If you don’t like the story-”

“I do, it just seems like a bit of a jump,” he explained as he sat back down.

Sighing and thinking for a moment, the Phantom said, “I kept to myself, nothing really happened. _Then_ in 1956, I decided to find my father. He had died in 1949, a patient at an asylum. His file said that he was schizophrenic, along with some colorful embellishments and notes about his behavior during his time there.”

As she spoke, Loki thought about what she was saying but it didn’t fit together, “I don’t understand.”

“Which part?” she asked kindly.

“How does his illness have anything to do with this?” Loki asked. He spoke carefully, like he was trying to not offend her.

“It’s like I was talking about earlier, Schizophrenia isn’t an illness, it’s a disease. And it’s one of the more important parts of the story,” the Phantom said.

Raising an eyebrow in disbelief, Loki asked, “How?”

“Well, let’s start with the word. ‘Schizophrenia’ means ‘split mind’,” the Phantom turned to look at Haruka, “It’s my most notable ability, being able to separate parts of my consciousness, but unlike the name Stark gave me-”

“Phantom,” Loki breathed.

Shaking her head, the Phantom Haruka confirmed, “Phantom.”

“It’s not magic, though,” he said as he studied the real Haruka outside his cell.

She smiled at him as the Phantom continued to speak, “No, but that’s what most people assume. We are corporeal thought, parts of the real Haruka, and if she hadn’t used the serum we’d probably just be voices in her head. There’s no way of knowing if she would have developed schizophrenia, but it’s a part of her and the serum enhanced it.”

Sitting back in his chair and staring blankly at the floor, Loki said, “Oh…” His mind was back at the battle when he had seen seven of her at one point fighting one of the leviathans with Stark.

Before Loki could ask more questions, Fandral returned. Standing next to Haruka, she looked up and asked, “Time already?”

Fandral was staring into the cell and ignored her question as he asked, “How did it go?”

Glancing at Loki and the Phantom, she smiled and said, “Better than expected.”

Loki stood and scowled at Fandral as he walked toward the barrier of his cell. Locking his eyes on the real Haruka he asked, “Will you return?”

“If you’d like me to,” the Phantom replied as she approached the barrier before disappearing for a moment then reappearing on the other side.

Watching them walk away, Loki ignored the uninvited guest that had entered his cell. Turning when Haruka was out of sight, he looked up as Thor asked, “Well?”

“Well?” Loki said, as he walked toward his books.

Grabbing Loki’s arm as he passed, Thor asked, “When shall I return with her?”

Loki glared at Thor and jerked his arm free. He took a moment to think over all that she had told him. There were alarming similarities that he couldn’t ignore, but he didn’t trust her. Although she seemed genuinely interested in helping him, he didn’t know how much she could. Despite his reservations, he wanted to see her again. Selecting a book and sitting on the bed, he said, “Soon.”


End file.
